Happy marriages are all alike, and each unhappy marriage has its own misfortune.
The reason may be difficult for the parties themselves to make clear. Divorced doesn’t mean you don’t love; Separated is a good choice for everyone. Since being together will hurt each other, it’s better to let go.
Maybe some young couples don’t understand. They will think that since there is love, how can they be willing to separate. It can only be said that they are still too young, the road of emotion is too smooth, and they have not experienced too many life hardships.
Some principles can only be understood through time and experience. Just like when I was young, I believed that love was enough to maintain marriage. Only after experiencing twists and turns did I understand that the original idea was too simple.
Especially in middle age, people will think more about marriage. When you are young, you may not think too much, just think about whether the person in front of you is your sweetheart, which is enough.
But life can’t go smoothly with love alone. She also needs other things to support, such as money and personality charm.
If such a gap does not last long, the harm to marriage can be ignored. But in reality, it continues to widen the gap. It feels like you have to run hard and someone is dragging you behind you.
Such a tired relationship, even if there is love again, will be eroded by reality a little bit. Middle aged people have a special feeling about this. They don’t believe that love can drink enough. They only believe that there is food in their hands.
We should understand that the quality of maintaining marriage and long-term problems cannot rely on love. Because love is like water, it is a dynamic surging process. Sometimes, it will boil and roll, and it will be cold into ice.
What really determines the quality of feelings is not love itself from beginning to end, but us in it. People don’t understand until middle age. It’s not love that keeps marriage, but these three things.
1. Value
Any emotion, at the beginning, has a purpose. Behind people’s greed is value. Of course, this value varies from person to person. Some people may be more material and want a place to live; Some people, more pursuit, want a lover to work together.
No matter what the purpose is at first, we should have a sense of hardship. Don’t think that if you get married and have a baby, you can stop making progress and creating value.
The definition of value is relatively broad. It may be making money to support your family, or you can give your loved ones a sense of stability, which is your value.
The fundamental reason why many marriages have problems is that their values are not equal to each other. In other words, the original value can no longer be satisfied.
You are of little value to her at this time, so she will begin to complain, even belittle you, saying that you are not as good as someone around you.
2. Trust
But these two things alone are not enough. If there is a problem with trust, the marriage life will be shaky. People’s ability is often as big as the crisis.
But some women may be too sensitive or not confident in love. They are always worried about their husbands who go out all year round. They are suspicious all day and think that he will betray their marriage all the time.
Marriage life is like two sides pulling a rubber band. They can’t be tight all the time. They need to relax. When it’s time to loosen it, it’s you who won’t let go.
For two people in love, suspicion is the greatest damage to the relationship. Only by learning to trust can we have the opportunity to repair the cracked feelings in the past.
3. Communication
It is not the last straw that kills the camel, but every one in the past. The same is true of marriage life. We should understand that what maintains marriage is not love, but value, trust and communication.
